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Fear Of Abandonment: Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) Therapy.



"I discovered Mr. Kerin Webb on YouTube, while searching for resolutions for my fears of abandonment and rejection, amongst other things. After watching his helpful video, I decided to contact him for assistance... I found Kerin to be kind, caring, compassionate, and very down-to-earth... I recommend Mr. Kerin Webb without reservation to anyone who is struggling, looking for help, or just needs someone there to listen. Thank you once again Kerin." Brian.


"They love without measure those whom they will soon hate without reason". Thomas Sydenham.


Individuals with Borderline Personality Disorder are represented by two distinct types:

(1) The Acting Out Borderline.

(2) The Quiet Borderline.

Essentially both forms of Borderline Personality Disorder are characterised by individuals with deep fears of real or imagined abandonment and rejection, particularly by those closest to them.

When someone with BPD perceives abandonment is likely they can respond in two extreme ways, depending upon whether they have the Acting Out or the Quiet type of the disorder. The Acting Out Borderline is well-known for their explosive rages, which can escalate from shouting, cursing (the "I curse you!" type of cursing), swearing and spitting... to physically lashing out, whilst the Quiet Borderline responds with passive aggression.

"BPD anger makes one say horrible things. When I am in a BPD tantrum, not only do I speak my mind, but also throw in the kitchen sink, using every emotional spade I can gather to harm the opposing party. I say horrible things, pass judgments, and often do so to the point that one single episode of my anger ruins the entire relationship forever." www.borderlineblog.com

"At times I have actually scared/worried the person I’m with because my anger is so bad. I shout, cry, swear and afterwards cry even more because of the amount of embarrassment and shame I feel for being so vile. It feels uncontrollable at the time, and yet when you reflect, you feel like you should have been able to stop it. It’s frustrating.” Claire G. www.themighty.com

Individuals with BPD can be ‘triggered’ by innocuous responses from people close to them. This is due to the fact that the disorder is triggered, in part, by the ‘core wound of abandonment’, which itself stems from lack of sufficient parental love as a child, perhaps even involving separation from a parent(s) for extended periods. (Childhood abuse is also correlated in many instances too.) This means that the triggered BPD individual is not only raging against the person towards whom their vitriol is projected in adult life, but at an unconscious level, in the direction of the parent(s) who abandoned them in childhood.

"Borderline rage is rooted in abandonment issues, usually from pre-verbal times in a child’s life. Because the child has no language, the hurt is deep and often inaccessible except through therapy. Borderline rage will often come boiling to the surface in the most seemingly innocent exchanges. In my case, I could go from zero to nuclear in a matter of minutes when provoked. I, like most of the people who cared about me, was almost always taken by surprise because I simply did not know what caused it to bubble up and ignite into a frenzied explosion." Dee Chan.

Each real or imagined rejection or criticism triggers the ‘core wound of (childhood) abandonment’ and the rage that is constantly bottled up inside wells up from within, in an explosive capacity. In such moments an Acting Out Borderline can say and do very unpleasant things, which they do not always fully recall, due to coinciding temporary dissociation and distortion of reality.

"Personality disorders are a unique category in the world of mental illness. While someone with depression or anxiety may feel that they are experiencing symptoms that are different from their normal state, people with personality disorders often fail to realize that their emotions and reactions depart from the typical human experience. People with borderline personality disorder (BPD) struggle to understand how wives, husbands, friends, and other family members experience their intense reactions..." Kathleen Smith, PhD.

Such a condition is characterised by volatile romantic relationships, which follow a pattern of: Idealisation: Devaluation: Discarding. The BPD individual becomes obsessed with a person (termed the ‘favourite person’ by writers on the subject) who is unwittingly put on a pedestal. They might refer to this person affectionately, using exaggerated expressions like ‘He's my Indian Prince’, or even ‘You're my God’, or some other extreme form of idealisation. Unfortunately, when unmanaged this disorder always follows a cycle, which means that after a period of Idealisation, Devaluation is sure to occur.

"If a PBPD Devalues you... Any attempt to remind an untreated PBPD of the past [loving relationship] will cause them confusion and cognitive dissonance. Untreated PBPDs will ultimately rationalize their behavior even against overwhelming facts." Michael Gerakios.

It seems Devaluation is triggered by a combination of factors, which can include (a) perceived criticism and rejection, (b) feeling engulfed by the affection of the object of their attention and the need to create space. Both instances result in conflict and Devaluation, either due to the perceived criticism and rejection or because of the feelings of engulfment.

Depending upon the severity of the conflict this can either result in a complete fracture in the relationship, bringing it to an end, in which case the once Idealised person becomes ‘demonised’ in the mind of the Borderline and Discarded, or gradually the fear of abandonment will overshadow the conflict or need for distance, drawing them back into the relationship, in the well-known Borderline push/pull pattern, to keep cycling through an ‘I Love You, I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me’ process.

"When they find someone who says they love them, they may test them over and over again in order to get them to prove their love. In essence, they bite the hand that feeds them. In this fashion, they set the stage for the other person to abandon them and repeat the old pattern all over again in an almost never-ending cycle." Dee Chan.

If the one-time partner becomes fully discarded, this can result in ‘Punishment’ from the Borderline individual.

"...the person or thing comes to be characterized as wholly bad, sometimes even evil, and deserving of some punishment or retribution." Michael J. Formica. Psychology Today.

Without recognition of the disorder and effective therapy, over time, any romantic partner is always transformed in the mind of a borderline from Ideal to Evil. This occurs because one of the problems BPD individuals face is that they have difficulty managing nuances and holding two conflicting points of view about a loved one (such as understanding that we can love someone, even in times of disagreement) which means that people with BPD view any person they are closely romantically attached to as either wholly ‘good’, or completely ‘bad’, they cannot recognise the alternative point of view. This process is called ‘Splitting’.

"Splitting protects against bad feelings, by projecting them onto our partner. When we are triggered, we may accuse our lover of abandoning us (he is bad), instead of the parent. We blame our relationship for how we feel, disowning where the feelings came from." Nancy Carbone.

"Depending on the rapidity of the cycle, within weeks, months or sometimes years, this idealized image is replaced, bit by bit, with, for lack of a more clinical term, its evil twin. The other is split black, and once one is taken there, the perception on the part of the borderline character, while it may flip-flop for a time, is not likely to be reversed." Michael J. Formica. Psychology Today.

"People with BPD have an all or nothing approach to their thinking. A person, place, or thing is either all good or all bad and there is no in between." Alice Marlowe.

People with BPD therefore think in very black or white terms about others and themselves. There is evidence to suggest that they have a form of 'split personality' and that during moments of stress a Part One personality is pushed aside by a Part Two personality, who thinks and acts in very different ways to the Part One personality, which was formed as a result of childhood trauma (the alternate personality is a very angry individual who bears little relation to your loved one). They also misinterpret feelings for facts, which means that if they feel upset with someone it 'must mean' that a 'bad person did something wrong,' which in turn suggests that (when applying this black or white distorted view to the situation) that either they are 'bad' or someone else is. This is one reason why individuals with BPD are notorious for denying their actions, because to do so would mean (according to their absolute black or white thinking) that they're completely 'bad', hence blame being wholly apportioned to anyone other than themselves for events, in the form of splitting.

"It is difficult for them to see that they are the problem. It is always someone else’s fault." Campion Beaurain.

When a person is 'split' by a BPD individual in this way the Borderline's memory also becomes distorted, to support their black/white thinking ego defense mechanism and as a result they then have difficulty remembering anything good about the other person, even if just minutes before they had genuinely professed eternal love for their partner.

"Either a relationship is perfect and that person is wonderful, or the relationship is doomed and that person is terrible". NHS website.

"A distorted view and understanding of reality is one of the major issues of BPD. Without treatment, PBPDs are generally unaware that their memories and perception of reality are distorted... the Devaluation phase completely erases the loving and close relationship. The PBPD will be unable to remember that they once had strong feelings for you." Michael Gerakios.

When punishment occurs, the Bordeline individual believes their actions to be acceptable because by now they've dehumanised the other individual in their mind, on the basis that they're perceived to be a 'bad person'.

"BPD Anger is uncontrollable, the rage takes over and all self-control and emotional regulation evaporates." www.borderlineblog.com

This means, in turn, that 'anything goes', so to speak and as well as the raging and lashing out, punishment then can take many other forms too, including smear campaigns and the phenomenon known as Triangulation: a method by which the Borderline individual will try to draw others (a process called Proxy Recruitment) into a vendetta against their ex-partner by, for example, attempting to create conflict between the person being ‘punished’ and another who is (sometimes unwittingly) ‘on their side’. These malicious enablers who collude with the person with BPD are termed 'Flying Monkeys', after the malignant winged apes from the film called The Wizard of Oz, who were sent to attack Dorothy. As a result of the high frequency of Triangulation amongst individuals with BPD some writers add an extra element to the Idealise, Devalue, Discard cycle, to take account of the 'Punishment' phase, which they have termed 'Destroy': Idealise, Devalue, Discard, Destroy.

"The wrath of a person with BPD often comes on quickly. The intensity of the rage is extremely strong; it can quickly escalate... Depending on the self-control of the enraged person, people or property can be damaged..." Becky Oberg.

Remember though, the person being ‘punished’ isn’t really the individual at the time, but rather the absent parent, from long ago. The current partner is merely the unfortunate target for the Acting Out Borderline’s explosive rage.

"During emotional turmoil BPDs tend to indulge in risky behavior like... stalking or threatening and harassing people they believe have hurt them... It is impossible for them to control their emotions and behavior when severely hurt." howtowhere.com

To further complicate matters individuals with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) who become parents are known to perceive one of their children in an idealised manner, a process defined by psychotherapists as the ‘Golden Child’ phenomenon. The ‘Golden Child’ can do little wrong in the Borderline parent’s eyes. As a result the ‘Golden Child’ is allowed to push beyond the boundaries of acceptable behaviour, becoming selfish, demanding and jealous of any deemed to be 'competing' relationship with the parent. The ‘Golden Child’ soon recognises the high degree of influence he or she has over the parent and the 'Golden Child' uses this influence to manipulate the parent. The parent in turn allows the manipulation to occur because the ‘Golden Child’ is perceived to be an extension of the parent’s good qualities and as a result they overlook, or defend the ‘Golden Child’s’ manipulative behaviour, thereby causing conflict in other relationships that the ‘Golden Child’ seeks to undermine. For example, where more than one child exists in a family unit the Borderline parent may ‘split’ and project their good qualities onto the ‘Golden Child’ whilst their shadow qualities are projected onto a ‘Scapegoat Child’, who in contrast becomes the target for the parent's negative behaviours. In absence of other children, the Borderline's partner can at times be split into the scapegoat role, especially during one of the rage outbursts that people with BPD are prone to exhibit, creating triangulation with the parent, the ‘Golden Child’ and the unfortunate scapegoat. Borderline parents will often discuss their relationship challenges with their 'Golden Child' in ways that aren't appropriate, but which make sense to the Borderline parent, because in those moments they mentally transform their 'Golden Child' into a ‘parentified child’. In effect they switch roles with the child, identifying the child in a parentified manner, seeking solace from the child, in much the same way that a child would seek solace from a parent. In other instances a parentified 'Golden Child' might make known their displeasure of the parent's behaviour, for example, when the parent fails to fully meet the child's demanding wants - and in such moments the Borderline parent is likely to respond in a childlike chastised manner, seeking a return to favour with the manipulative child. The parent might even fear the child's moods. When this volatile dynamic is added to the broader relationships that exist in the life of the person with Borderline Personality Disorder, it can understandably cause serious problems for others in the family, especially a close partner.

‘Borderline parents often… project their good side onto one child… who becomes… the ‘Golden Child’. Dr Christine Lawson. ‘This all good child is often called the ‘parentified child’. Markham’s Behavioural Health.

Unfortunately many counsellors are inadequately experienced to be able to identify and treat this disorder. BPD individuals often become ‘therapy addicts’, during which they adroitly conceal their disorder from the unwitting counsellor and use the time instead to talk about how ‘troubled’ those closest to them are. This provides the illusion of wellness, whilst concealing a serious unaddressed disorder. Left unchecked such a person is doomed, sooner or later, to repeat the Idealisation and Devaluation cycle in every relationship, perhaps ultimately leading to the Discarding stage. Conflict is assured (even desired: some BPD individuals often feel empty inside and will try to fill this void with drama and extreme emotions, be they love – or hate: anything will do rather than (in many cases) dealing with the true source of the void: childhood abandonment).

"BPD anger is overly-dramatic. Because the BPD sufferer is feeling so emotionally charged, angry outbursts can give way to dramatic acts, words, or threats. Although most never come to fruition, on some ocassions, what would otherwise be a passing angry word erupts into a huge scene that troubles everyone in its wake." www.borderlineblog.com

Interestingly: some individuals with BPD who suspect that they might have BPD symptoms but who want to avoid fully dealing with the possibility, preferring to live in denial, will, if someone close to them begins to notice the symptoms as well, Devalue and Discard that person too. Having Discarded a partner though, if the partner attempts to move on and begin a relationship with someone else, it's commonly understood that some people with Borderline Personality Disorder will attempt to sabotage their ex-partner's new relationship. They don't want them anymore - but they don't want anyone else to have them either, it seems.

"Now that you have figured out the secret, the door gets slammed on you too. For good measure you are demonized. On and on they can go for years fighting to remain in denial at all costs. The collateral damage of that diagnosis denial can be considerable." W.H. Biggins. QUORA.

"Anyone who begins figuring out that the person is suffering from BPD is banished and will not ever return to good graces. The BPD person in denial and hiding is in a constant hunt for unenlightened partners. As soon as enlightment arrives the partner is history." W.H. Biggins. QUORA.

Speaking to the new partner of someone whose ex-partner has Borderline Personality Disorder: "In all likelihood, it is not you that she hates. She would hate whatever woman was in your shoes." Alice Marlowe.

In contrast the Quiet Borderline will respond in what appears to be a diametrically opposite way to the Acting Out Borderline. Rather than raging, they will simply quietly begin to distance themselves from the individual they perceive has criticised them, or is about to reject them. No shouting. No lashing out. Politeness ensues, along with diminishing contact. The person they’re backing away from might never know either how hurt the Quiet Borderline feels, or how much they now dislike them. Unlike the Acting Out Borderline there will be few obvious clues… other than growing distance. The cycle though is the same: Idealisation: Devaluation and Discarding. The distancing is a form of ‘punishing’ too: but in a passive/aggressive manner. ‘You hurt me – so I will ignore you’. Depending upon the severity of the fracture, the Quiet Borderline might return to the relationship, or they might completely Discard the one-time object of their attention.

"The silent treatment as punishment is a total negation of who you are and of what you feel and/or may need." A.J. Mahari.

One of the reasons individuals with BPD often abruptly end relationships, due to the phenomenon of splitting is because they do not view other people as individuals in the same way that a non borderline does, but rather as objects, deemed to be either "good", or "bad".

"The borderline personality thus lives in a world populated by objects, rather than others - objects of love, objects of hate, objects of mirth, objects of rage - always objects, always extremes and never truly connected..." Michael J. Formica. Psychology Today.

Individuals with Borderline Personality Disorder then, due to the influence of the disorder, will in many cases eventually perceive another who was once considered to be an 'object of love' as 'bad' and such unfortunate persons can quickly become 'Targets of Blame', with all of the negative repercussions that this transformation in fortunes involves.

"In some cases, they have a “high-conflict” personality, meaning that they have a repeated pattern of focusing their anger on one or more specific Targets of Blame, which prolongs or escalates conflicts... Borderline HCPs [High Conflict Personalities] make a fundamental mistake about the cause of their problems. They think it’s the fault of a specific other person. They truly do not see their part in contributing to or primarily causing their own problems in life. This is an unconscious barrier, so you shouldn’t try to “make them see” their part in the problem. That just increases their defensiveness and makes things worse." Bill Eddy, L.C.S.W. Psychology Today.

Many people with BPD engage in denial, it is a characteristic of the disorder, along with dissociation, paranoia and memory distortion. Denial can be a powerful obstacle. There is evidence that BPD can be caused by several factors including childhood trauma, predisposition... and heredity. One person who was verbally and physically abusive to her partner and who once grabbed a kitchen knife in a rage, holding it to her wrists, from which her partner had to risk his own safety, in order to wrest it from her hands, to protect her from herself, talked though of how her own father used to fly into rages and froth at the mouth, once even pinning her mother down on the stairs whilst holding a knife to her mother, who, then, after leaving her partner in an apoplectic rage, moved in with her by now elderly mother, for a period of months - until her mother's constant physical and verbal abuse against her became so severe that she had to move into rented accommodation herself, seemingly never making the connection between her parents' actions and her own aggressive raging behaviour towards her partner. She could clearly see that her parents were ill, but lived in denial of her own illness.

"Denying that I had borderline personality disorder, for a long time, made me feel safe. The evidence was overwhelming, but acknowledging my disorder meant confronting the parts of myself that I hated the most – and so I evaded the truth. " www.everydayfeminism.com Sam Dylan Finch

Dissociation is characteristic of both forms of BPD. It is a defence mechanism enacted to help ‘remove’ the triggered individual from situations which would otherwise be too emotionally difficult to cope with. Unlike sociopaths, who have no real emotions or empathy, people with BPD in contrast have great sensitivity, and, untriggered they are amongst the most caring, empathic, kind, thoughtful individuals you are likely to meet. Depending upon the individual, stages between one triggering event and another can be short, or long. When the stages between one event and another are long in duration, the person with BPD can seem to be a ‘High Functioning Borderline’, meaning, most of the time, on the surface, for all intents and purposes, to outside observes who are unaware of the inner sense of void, lack of identity and co-morbid depression the Borderline struggles with often, all might appear ‘well’. Individuals with BPD then are sensitive souls, who struggle because of their increased sensitivity and due to the core wound of abandonment. (What’s more, neuroscience shows that the prefrontal cortex, which is the part of the brain that governs the ability to exercise self-control in stressful situations is less developed in people with BPD: which is why they react strongly and then feel deeply ashamed or guilty afterwards (this phenomenon is called an AMYGDALA HIJACK): without correct treatment, they literally cannot stop themselves from responding when they’re triggered.) 

"You are likely shocked to learn that those times when you "zone out," feel " unreal," or when things around you look strange or unfamiliar may mean you are experiencing dissociation—a common occurrence for people with borderline personality disorder (BPD). " Kristalyn Salters-Pedneault

"Adding to the bewilderment of the disorder, people struggling with borderline personality disorder might sometimes feel as though they leave their bodies during times of stress and can’t recall what happened. These severe periods of dissociation only add to their unstable sense of self. Similarly, and equally disturbing, are periods of hallucinations that can occur during times of stress or depression." www.newharbinger.com

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) Survivor

Those who have experienced a troubled relationship with someone with Borderline Personality Disorder are sometimes termed 'Borderline Survivors' because they can themselves suffer the effects of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Here's a quote from Michael Gerakios: 'It is also important for the loved ones and former loved ones of PBPDs to seek help for themselves. The trauma of suddenly being treated in a horrible way by a loved one and losing them for no apparent reason often causes PTSD and/or other mental health issues. For this reason, people who have been through a relationship with a PBPD are often called BPD survivors.' 

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)

Apparently about 1/3rd of individuals with BPD also have NPD. Narcissism is characterised by the need for constant admiration, termed ‘Narcissistic Supply’. The narcissist is in love with themselves and they engage in (to quote Sam Vaknin) ‘egoistic and ruthless pursuit of one’s gratification, dominance and ambition’. Once an individual is identified who will idolise the narcissist, the narcissist will ‘feed off’ the idolisation, until it runs dry, at which point they’ll ditch their partner, in favour of a new source of ‘supply’. Narcissists can be very vengeful to ex-partners. In many instances BPD individuals are attracted to NPD individuals because the BPD individual is driven to Idealise the object of their affection, whilst the narcissist, with his over-inflated ego, thrives on such attention. Whilst narcissists can display characteristics represented by sociopaths, such as habitual lying, grandiose opinions of themselves and their abilities, spitefulness, etc (indeed some sociopaths are termed co-morbid narcissistic sociopaths or malignant narcissists) it appears that at least in some cases, narcissism, in contrast to the diagnosis of malignant narcissism (which is perhaps a different condition,) is a problem of core wounding, rather than core malice. Like the individual with BPD, the narcissist too felt rejected or abandoned by a caregiver(s) as a child and the traits associated with narcissism are, arguably, maladjusted ways of seeking to feel good about the self, rather than feeling flawed and worthy of rejection. 

Bi-Polar Disorder

Many individuals who have Borderline Personality are often, it seems, first misdiagnosed with Bi-Polar Disorder. Indeed, Bi-Polar Disorder is often co-morbid with BPD. Succinctly this disorder is characterised by fluctuating mood swings (which is also a symptom of BPD), ranging from mania, to depression. Rage, as with BPD, also figures, hence, I suppose, the prevalence for misdiagnosis. My understanding is that BPD mood swings are, in most cases, likely to be faster, for example, in some cases a Borderline mood swing can go from ecstatic to depressed in the space of an hour, whereas in Bi-polar cases the shift takes longer and lasts longer.


Recognition: The Key To Recovery

Borderline Personality Disorder is a chronic condition, which at first requires ongoing treatment.  The first step to recovery begins by recognising that you have Borderline Personality Disorder and then seeking professional treatment. It's advisable that any form of counselling or psychotherapy should also be accompanied by a consultation with your doctor which will mean that quite likely you'll keep your doctor notified from time to time of the progress that you're making in your therapy and of any other relevant issues that may crop up as you journey through the process of self-healing.

Personality disorders like Borderline Personality Disorder to the outside observer might seem confusing at best and illogical at worst when we see them occur in another.  This demonstrates our own (quite likely unintentional) ignorance of the situation. The impact on the quality of life of the person with BPD is profound and debilitating. Arguments, for example, are not the result of sociopathic malice but are instead triggered by other factors which heighten a person's emotional sensitivity to one degree or another, temporarily beyond their control. There is a contributory factor, a cause and effect cycle that underlies these events. 

If you have a close friend or family member with a personality disorder like BPD, the first thing you might want to consider is to learn as much as you can about the disorder in question, including gaining insight into its potential cause, the symptoms and perhaps most importantly - what it feels like for the person with the illness to live with the condition. This will help you to develop empathy and compassion for them, rather than misinterpreting their behaviour and concluding that they are simply being 'problematic'.

It is important to recognise that Borderline Personality Disorder not only obviously effects a person's mood, shifting perhaps from sadness to anger in a short space of time, but it can influence other aspects of their behaviour too, which in turn can add extra pressures to a situation. For example, it has been noted that people who have a pronounced fear of abandonment, because they 'always expect to be abandoned' can be prone to misreading other people's facial expressions, perceiving anger or criticism in a neutral expression, or in the 'heat of the moment' perceiving malicious intent, where none exists. Renowned expert on the PTSD symptoms of Fear of Abandonment, Susan Anderson writes: 'People with abandonment trauma tend to react to lovers, family, friends, or therapists through a lens that warps reality in such a way that they perceive slights and injuries that may not have been intentional...'. They are prone to seeing rejection or threat where none exists (because, in part, they always expect to be abandoned 'in the end'). Nevertheless, when time has passed they are sometimes able to reevaluate the situation and notice that things were not quite as they may have seemed at the time. 

Modern medical science is showing that mood disorders and personality disorders are caused by very real biological factors, often exacerbated by early life events (including abandonment and trauma) and other interpersonal difficulties (such as bullying at school). For example, people with Borderline Personality Disorder have been shown to have an overactive amygdala, being often anxious and having an increased sense of threat awareness, whilst the prefrontal cortex does not exhibit the same kind of 'brake' or moderating effect on their strong emotions as happens in other people, which results in highly intense emotional reactions which are disproportionate to the situation being encountered. The brains of people with depression have been shown to function differently, particularly the amygdala, the thalamus and the hippocampus. Research has shown that the hippocampus for example can actually be smaller than the hippocampus within the brain of someone who does not have depression. In Bipolar Disorder the hippocampus has been shown to actually shrink, if the disorder is left unaddressed, no doubt, thereby worsening the symptoms. 

I'd like to share an analogy with you that's come to mind as I began to consider writing on the issue of Borderline Personality Disorder: imagine if you will a tornado sweeping in from out of 'nowhere', picking up everything in its path and throwing things around here and there - and then imagine what it would be like to become caught up in a tornado like this. You'd have no control whatsoever over what might happen to you. The tornado would be in total control, and you would be a victim in its grasp, until it dissipated and blew itself out and then, if you were lucky enough to survive, you'd have to begin to 'pick up the pieces', so to speak. This is what it can feel like for a person with Borderline Personality Disorder. The affective reactions they feel to certain life events can seemingly 'come out of nowhere'. For 'no apparent reason' they might feel sad or anxious... and confused because they themselves don't understand why.  They might feel irritated, angry or particularly vulnerable at a given time, and as a result things can seem overwhelming, resulting in a proverbial 'straw that broke the donkey's back' argument with a loved one, for no meaningful reason. In each instance, the person experiencing these feelings is a victim. They do not choose to feel like this. They are like innocent bystanders caught up in a tornado, with little or no control over what happens, until the tornado subsides. This is why compassion on the part of their loved ones is vital. Your loved one doesn't want to feel like this, it isn't nice for them, they suffer a great deal because of the mood disorder.  

Therapy Sessions

What will Borderline Personality Disorder Therapy involve, you might ask?  It will require time and commitment on your part. You will need to prepare to be fully open and honest with regard to your circumstances and symptoms. Evasion, distraction, inappropriately casting blame for your own actions, playing the 'victim card' or partial discussion will not likely achieve very good results.  You will need to be honest with yourself, by 'owning' your own behaviour, as we seek to develop insight and understanding of your symptoms and of how they positively and negatively affect your life. And then you'll be given the opportunity to practice using certain cognitive and behavioural methods for improving your situation, in real life circumstances.  It takes full commitment to improve a chronic condition like BPD. (Anyone who says otherwise is being disingenuous.) However, if you're prepared to commit fully to the therapy process then you have the potential to make meaningful, long-lasting progress. What's more, by fully engaging you will be doing something very important indeed, you will be affirming your own positive commitment to your overall well-being. For this you can certainly congratulate yourself, as you set the new course for your future, by making positive changes in your life today. Think about this for a moment. It's a big step to finally admit to yourself what you may already have sensed for some time (that you have BPD) but it's a bold, life-affirming decision to make too to be true to yourself, by recognising and facing your darkest fears and then overcoming them, one by one. What's more, who knows, perhaps in the future you'll be in a position yourself to help others who are struggling with BPD, due to the way you successfully begin to manage your own situation today? Wouldn't that be great?! Out of adversity comes good.

Borderline Personality Disorder Therapy sessions are £40.00 for telephone/Skype appointments and £50.00 for in-person sessions, held in Christchurch. Feel free to get in touch on 01425 674805 to discuss the possibility of us working together.


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"I just want to make this clear, borderline personality disorder is super fucking confusing to understand. I will hate someone/lash out at them and wonder why they are upset/not talking to me... I still do not 100% understand myself and why I do things, so others in my life wouldn’t know if I don’t know."

Kayden Lucas. Diagnosed BPD. Quora.


Here's a video I recorded about PTSD Fear of Abandonment and Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD):  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wM4Dx5Ijd2o 


Heres a video by the famous psychologist, Jordan Peterson on Borderline Personality Disorder: https://youtu.be/TNQQIRKLPHs 


And here are a few more useful videos about BPD:


Living With Borderline Personality Disorder: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4_xdWrx_TTI 


Healing Abandonment: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OOzXAz9Z8aA 


An Open Letter From Those With Borderline Personality Disorder To Their Loved Ones: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KGXdxtZZisE 


Crash Course Videos:

This video provides an up-tempo overview on the subject of personality disorders in general: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4E1JiDFxFGk 

And here's a video by the same presenter on the subject of psychotherapy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6nEL44QkL9w 


Arrange Your Appointment Here

Telephone Counselling

Use this PayPal button to buy your Telephone Counselling session, or alternatively phone 01425 674805, or email kerin@aurorahealing.uk to arrange your in-person counselling session with me at the Wessex Health Network, 17 Stour Road, Christchurch, Dorset, BH23 1PL.


Westminster Indemnity: Approved Partner

Our practitioner training courses are recognised by Westminster Indemnity through which, upon successful completion, you can apply for insurance at a preferential rate by using the following link: Westminster Indemnity.